Hello goodbye, Hello!

Dearest sister-love,
  Where are you? In my sweat and twitch, in every moment stitching and fraying, muddling colors of months. Time don't 'fly' so much as it sweeps ya up, unwilling, into a lilting current, not swimming, being swept, being swept, with more or less beauty and grace.


How are you?
What's going on in your life?
Updates?


I WILL be here when you're here, so let's hang out mmkay? Mmmkay.


What is simultaneous movement and stagnation like?


What's up with me? Well, First Year in 'the program' (PhD program or support group? I can't decide) was rife with existential crises (Why am I doing this? Why don't I work for a nonprofit or teach at a highschool? Why don't I go into law? Why don't I write popular books about language and power,
even though in order to sell those books, I need a position of power in the academy? What kind of a difference am I making "in here"???) and little time for play. But the longer I keep at it, the more I'm
allowed to let work be my play and my power. Working for a nonprofit involves a host more compromises in revising one's prerogatives towards feasible legislative change and for, inevitably, a monetary bottom line for the company. Getting an MFA, even, makes you subject to a lot of the same intellectual and creative constraints. 
The fact is, doing what I'm doing, it may take a long time for me to claw my way up to a position of power I can really use for as much 'good change' as I want, but every day now I am
granted more intellectual, and therefore more creative, freedom in my research and my teaching than I think people are allowed in almost any other field! And that pretty much rocks. Despite the putting myself in a constant hyperintellectualized storefront for display, to be vetted and critiqued, to turn the eye towards my own much-needed revisions. 


I never thought engaging in an activist career would be so emotionally challenging. 
Naive, I know. But I didn't think it'd be so.


Ben & I are thinking of getting engaged and throwing a huge 'wedding rager' in Fall of 2011 or so.
Insanity on both sides can be sensible, if propelled forward by both feet.


Unstoppable action in the machine, and yet so much quieter is the 'adult life' than the way mine & me used to be. I'm constantly reevaluating myself, my relationships, and my activities to find new standards of happiness; what's circulating out there in the psychtalk tank and the popknowledge bin may not be right for me, and what was in earlier stages certainly isn't. So I'm looking for the unexpected (what *really* gets me off, good or bad, really) in unexpected places. Like in routine. Like in San Francisco's copious details.


Reading a lot, trying to start up work on the novel again this winter.
Will be teaching 2 Sections for a class on Language & Gender in just a couple weeks.


The holidays are a difficult rip, make obvious the rift between here and otherwheres I've been.
I'm not sure what to say about that here.
Now?


I love you!
I hope you are living in well and bettering tumult! I miss you dearly!


Update me on you and your trip to CA! 
Till soon, I hope.


"You can count on meeee..."  Also, you can call me/gchat/whatever me anytime, too!